Alphabet Soup
by Kiyoshi'sGirl64
Summary: A collection of 26 oneshots that are entirely unrelated. They are grouped together because each chapter title starts with a different letter of the alphabet! YAY! Okay, I'm done for now. A very extensive summary/disclaimer inside. :
1. Author Note

WELL…as I promised, a full summary. Kind of. This is going to be a collection of entirely unrelated oneshots. There will be twenty six of them; there will be one for each letter of the alphabet (hence the title, alphabet soup).

Now, the real point of this note, which will actually make what this story entails a bit more clear. I have about twenty different disclaimers for you. You can read them, or not, but I can't be held responsible for not warning you of any of the following.

1: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, but you all already knew that.

2: There are songfics. I will inform you of the owner of the song at some point during the chapter or in a very brief author's note at the end.

3: Some of these might not make sense if you haven't read the manga because they occasionally draw on select details from the books that I'm not sure are in the anime, since I don't watch that.

4: These are purely for my entertainment, and I thought you guys might enjoy them too. It is not my fault if my sense of humor (or that of my friends, who may or may not inspire one or more chapters) can border on…twisted.

5: I had the brilliant idea for this story at three in the morning when my muse (I'll introduce you to him later in this note) decided it was a good idea to wake me up. I have almost no attention span at three in the morning. Not a safe idea.

6: I do occasionally own characters, but I will not be informing you of that at the time, so it's probably best to just assume I don't own them.

7: I am far from being an expert on Japanese culture so most of these situations are drawing on my very American background.

8: IF I SAY SOMETHING/HAVE ONE OF THE CHARACTERS SAY SOMETHING THAT YOU FIND OFFENSIVE, I APOLOGIZE NOW. Once again, I am simply making fun of the YYH gang and using my American stereotypes (not all of which I agree with, btw) to achieve that.

9: While most of these are entirely stupid with no real serious plot, a select few are a bit more serious.

10: Length will vary immensely.

11: Yaoi will pop up occasionally (nothing graphic, I promise!). I refuse to warn you ahead of time which chapters contain it, though.

12: Any flames I receive will be entirely ignored, since I warned you about all of this beforehand. It's not my fault if you risk your sanity and read this story anyway. Besides, since the individual chapters are not related in any way, there is no reason you have to finish a chapter you don't like, therefore no reason you need to flame me. If you pay attention to this disclaimer, everyone is happy.

13: I will not be doing a disclaimer in any other chapter. That means all of these apply to EVERY chapter.

14: Rating is subject to change without warning (chances are it won't change, though).

15: I lied when I said there were twenty disclaimers. There are only fifteen.

Kiyoshi: ONLY?

Me (ignoring him): Now… Kiyoshi is my muse. He's sixteen (seventeen on April 17!) and the most irritating person I've ever met in my life (what does that say about me, I wonder, since he's in my head?). He is from my story 1 Dead, 3 Missing. He has uneven, dark hair that comes down to his chin or a little above or a little below. He has green eyes. He's left handed, with a poisonous purple-green plant growing out of his left arm. Sooo…yeah, that's all you need to know about him at the moment. In all honesty, he will probably pop up in at least one of the stories.

Now there are three obvious paths you can take from here:

a) Keep reading.

b) Back away slowly.

c) Close your internet browser because your parents are yelling at you to get off of the computer and possibly come back to this story later (maybe).

Me, I'm all for option a). I'm even more for option a) if it results in reviews. :)

Finally, now that you've read all this, feel free to read one of the chapters…or some of the chapters…or all of the chapters…or none of the chapters (but only do the last if you truly feel that's what Fate is willing you to do). And review.

Now, feel free to enjoy the actual story, and many apologies that the very first chapter is a songfic (I do try to steer away from those if I can, since I find there not as much fun to read).

Your (semi)devoted author,

ForbiddenChildLover64 and her lovely yet irritating muse Kiyoshi

Kiyoshi: I hate you too.


	2. A is for Aliens

_**Aliens**_

Botan popped up behind Kuwabara and Yusuke. "Hey, guys!"

"Aaah!" Yusuke jumped away from her. "Botan, don't do that! And if you're here to tell us Koenma wants us to go nearly get ourselves killed again, you can leave. Nothing doing."

Botan pouted. "I'm hurt, Yusuke. Can't I talk to you guys just as a friend?"

"Oh," Yusuke said, visibly relaxing. "What'd you want to talk about?"

"Karaoke night!" Botan sang out. "Tomorrow Keiko, Yukina, Shizuru and I are going out. We thought you'd like to come."

Yusuke prepared to answer, but Kuwabara shouted, "Yukina! My lady of the snow!"

"I think that's a yes," Yusuke stated drily. He added, "Sure. I got nothing better to do."

"If you come, you have to sing!"

"Cause everyone definitely wants to hear Kuwabara sing."

"Urameshi!" Kuwabara shouted. "Like you're any better!"

"You bet I am!" They were standing toe to toe, glaring at each other.

"Eep!" Botan squeaked, disappearing and wondering what she had started.

_The next evening…_

"Thank god that's over," Shizuru said as her brother came down off the stage. "Kazu, do the world a favor—don't quit your day job, and never sing again." She blew out smoke, further polluting the already hazy atmosphere.

"My turn!" Yusuke shouted. He stormed onto the stage and grabbed the mike from its stand.

"If this is worse than Kuwabara's, I might have to leave," Kurama said, grinning. "My ears are still bleeding from that performance."

"Shut up!" Kuwabara said.

"It was actually incredibly painful," a cold voice said. "But at the same time, it was immensely entertaining."

Kuwabara did a double take, then turned to Botan. "How'd you get shorty to come?"

"Anything to watch you all make complete fools of yourselves," Hiei replied.

Then Yusuke began wailing his song.

"_I'm sailing away  
Set an open course for the virgin sea  
__I've got to be free  
__Free to face the life that's ahead of me_"

Everyone flinched back. Then Keiko said, "I'm pretty certain he's trying to give you a run for the money, Kuwabara."

"Come on," Yukina said kindly. "They're not that bad."

"Yes they are," everyone contradicted her.

Then Kurama snorted to himself and asked, "Fitting, don't you think, that he chose a song by a band called Styx?"

There was some laughter, but then Keiko said, rather sadly, "He misses the fighting. Detective work and ramen aren't really enough for him. He's been restless ever since he got home."

"So it's about longing for the freedom of fighting," Shizuru said slowly. "Who woulda thought Yusuke'd choose a serious song?"

Kurama shook his head. "Wait, and you'll see why he _really_ picked this song. I guarantee it's not because he thinks it's serious."

"_On board I'm the captain  
__So climb aboard  
__We'll search for tomorrow on every shore  
__And I'll try, oh Lord, I'll try to carry on_"

"He's the one steering the ship?" Kuwabara asked. "Then you can count me out. I do not want to be stuck on a remote, deserted island with Yusuke for the rest of my life."

"God forbid," Keiko seconded.

"_I look to the sea  
__Reflections in the waves spark my memory  
__Some happy, some sad  
__I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had_"

Kuwabara covered his ears. "Can this just be over? It's _terrible_."

"You were worse," Shizuru said.

Keiko ignored them both and snapped at Yusuke, not that he could hear her, "What dreams? The dreams to pick as many fights, do as many drugs, gamble as much money away, flip my skirt as many times as you possibly could?"

"_We lived happily forever  
__So the story goes  
__But somehow we missed out on the pot of gold  
__But we'll try best that we can to carry on_"

"Why'd he pick this song, Kurama?" Botan asked. "In a very abstract way, it's about his life, but you said that wasn't his reasoning."

"It's not," Kurama laughed. "He's not that serious. You'll see. It's coming."

"_A gathering of angels appeared above my head  
__They sang to me this song of hope and this is what they said_"

"If they're really heaven-sent angels," Shizuru said, hand to her head, "they'd take pity on the world and tell him to shut up and never sing again."

"Amen," Hiei muttered. The rest of them turned to stare. He refused to acknowledge them.

"_They said come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me, lads  
__Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me  
__Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me, baby  
__Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me_"

"Sail right off the stage, buddy," someone at another table muttered.

Yusuke's friends fell over, laughing in agreement.

"_I thought that they were angels but much to my surprise  
__We climbed aboard their starship, we headed for the skies_"

Nearly half the bar slapped hands to their ears in a futile effort to block Yusuke's failed attempt to hit the high notes.

"_Singing come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me  
__Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me  
__Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me  
__Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me_"

"I'm starting to understand what you meant, Kurama," Botan laughed. "Yusuke would never pick a song that didn't have at least one ridiculous aspect to it."

"I've been putting up with that for seventeen years," Keiko complained. "Seventeen _years_, Botan."

"I feel your pain, Keiko," Botan replied.

"Especially if he was singing the whole time," Shizuru added.

"_Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me  
__Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me  
__Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me  
__Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me_"

When Yusuke set the mike back on the stand, there was a loud cheer. The entire room was thankful it was over.

"Wait," Kuwabara suddenly said rather loudly. "Starship—aliens—doesn't that mean it would be Hiei steering the ship, not Yusuke?"


	3. B is for Band Class

_**Band Class**_

_Shuichi's sophomore year…_

**Kurama POV**

"Mom, why _exactly_ are you insisting I take up an instrument?" I asked Shiori. "I see no need."

As she chopped vegetables for dinner, she answered, "Students who are enrolled in music and art classes score higher on tests."

"Mom, I'm first in my class." And the only thing I ever had to try to do was try to do bad enough that it didn't look out of the ordinary.

"There is no harm in raising your test scores more, Shuichi," she chastised me. "Universities will appreciate it. And it looks much better on applications to have a well-rounded education rather than one that is solely academic in nature."

"I'm in Biology Club," I pointed out. I wasn't even sure I wanted to further my education. I figured I probably would, simply because that's what was expected of Shuichi. The only issue was that, even as Kurama, I had never had any interest in learning to play an instrument. Then as Shuichi, it just seemed like a waste of time. You can appreciate music and art without making them yourself. "Fine," I sighed. "I'll take band."

_Three weeks later…_

I stepped into the band room and heard snickering. "Minamino's decided to take band."

"He's crazy, trying to balance so much at once."

"Hahaha. He'll probably drop a few positions in the class rankings because he's too busy to finish everything."

"Good for us, though!"

"What's with him? It's like he has to be better than everyone at everything."

"If he excels in this class too, I will kill myself."

"Next thing we know he'll be going out for a sport."

"I hope he does. A little does of failure would be good for him."

I bristled in irritation. I was much more physically fit than I looked. I restrained the desire to tell them that my physical abilities vastly exceeded their own. I set up a stand and opened my case. I had allowed Shiori to pick the instrument, so I was stuck assembling a clarinet.

Soon the teacher entered and passed out a piece of paper covered in lines and what I could only assume were notes. He walked to the board and copied the lines and notes onto the board by hand. "So, most of you this is your first time playing an instrument, correct?" he asked, turning around.

Nearly everyone nodded. He sighed. He didn't like teaching beginners. "Very well." For the rest of the hour he lectured, first on how to assemble each of the instruments properly which was actually unbelievably simple, like a puzzle. They could only be put together in a certain order. Then he moved on to what the different notes were.

By the end of the hour, my brain was swimming with different notes and where they were on the staff. I hadn't thought this would be difficult, but it was driving me up the wall just trying to remember the placement of the notes on the staff and how long each note represented. God forbid what would happen when I was expected to read that and play it at the same time.

_The next day…_

The teacher had us practice recognizing the different notes, writing out their letters and lengths on a separate sheet of paper. It was getting easier, and I was more and more confident that I would be able to do this and do this well. I hadn't ever come across something that was too difficult for me before. This might have been a bit more challenging than anything I had tried in the human world up to that point, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

The teacher looked over my shoulder. "Nicely done, Shuichi," he commented. I had finished before anyone else.

I heard the other students grumbling again. "Of course. Shuichi Minamino, child prodigy, outdoes everyone else _again_. Who would have guessed it?"

"Why does he have to be so good at _everything_? He makes the rest of us look like morons."

"You're fourth in the class!"

"And he's first. That doesn't mean there shouldn't be _something_ he's bad at."

_The next day…_

The teacher watched as we struggled to put the instruments together. It didn't take me long, a good sign I supposed. Then he gave us what he called a _simple_ piece of music.

The others were playing what was recognizable as a tune by the end of the hour.

I wasn't. I couldn't get the damn thing to make a noise that was even recognizable as a note.

This was going to be a long semester.


	4. C is for Cereal Killer

_**Cereal Killer**_

Your (Semi)-Devoted Author's POV

(yes, I really am placing myself in this chapter; I'm bored and have no idea who would be a good character for parts of this chapter, so I chose myself. And as you can see, I'm very easily distracted. Squirrel!)

Anyway…

I walk into Shizuru's house. She's smoking, as usual. "Don't do that," I say. "You'll kill yourself."

"And Yusuke and Kazuma won't by fighting demons for a living?" she asks.

"I don't have an answer to that," I respond, sitting down next to her.

"Of course you don't," she answers. "It's one hundred percent true. There's no disputing it."

"That's generally what happens when something's one hundred percent true, Shizuru."

She laughs. "Where are those two idiots anyway?"

"Do I care?"

"I thought they were your friends," Kiyoshi says from next to me.

"Shut up," I reply.

"Are you talking to the people in your head again?" she asks.

I nod. "I can't seem to help it. I feel like an idiot, but I talk to Kiyoshi anyway. He's irritating."

"Thank you so much," he replies. "I can hear every word you say, you know."

I know, Kiyoshi. Now shut up.

"No," he answers. "Why would I do that?"

Because you're annoying me! "Where did Yusuke and Kuwabara say they were going?"

"They didn't," she answers. "Which worries me."

There's a loud slamming of the front door. "It would appear they're back," I remark.

"Which worries me even more." She sighs and stands up. "Kazuma," she shouts. "Where have you been? Dad was wondering."

"We were out," her younger brother shouts back.

"Because that's definitely vague enough," I say.

"Kazuma!" she shouts. "I'm serious!"

"Yusuke, Kurama, Hiei and I went bowling," he shouts. "God, what's your problem?"

"I told you," she snaps back. "Dad wanted to talk to you."

"You never said that!" he shouts. "You said he was wondering where I was."

"Well, I would have thought it was obvious why he was wondering." Then she adds, "Although I don't know why anyone would want to talk to you." It's hard to believe they actually care about each other.

"Like you and your sister," Kiyoshi notes.

Shut up.

"Make me."

"I'm hungry," I tell Shizuru.

"Food's in the kitchen. You know that," she answers.

"Thanks." I walk into the kitchen to find Yusuke and Kuwabara both eating from bowls. Each bowl is filled to overflowing with milk and fruit loops. I stare at them.

"Please don't pretend you're horrified," Kiyoshi says. "Please. Please. You'll embarrass us both."

Like anyone else can even see you.

"Shizuru!" I shout. "Your brother and his best friend are both cereal killers! Run! They'll murder us all!"

"The fact that they are really doesn't surprise me," she calls back.

"Hey!" Kuwabara shouts. "I'm not a murderer!"

"How many people have you cut in half?" Shizuru asks as she enters the room.

"They were all trying to kill me too," he says resentfully. "It's self-defense as much as it's murder."

She rolls her eyes. "Whatever." Then she looks at them, their food and turns to look at me. "Wow. I thought you were just being random."

"Not entirely," I respond.

"Serial killers?" Yusuke asks, taking another bite of his food. "I don't under—oh. Cereal."


	5. D is for Dear Diary

_**Dear Diary**_

_A few excerpts from Botan's diary…_

Dear Diary,

Today was boring. Escorted more souls over the river Styx. Koenma complained about the excessive paperwork. Nothing new. Unfortunately. I'm getting better at this job. I never thought I'd be a ferry girl for Koenma.

* * *

Dear Diary,

More souls. It's so depressing. Why do I have to work with dead people all the time? It's so sad. I don't want to do this anymore. I understand that it's an important job, but it makes me so sad.

On the other hand, I got a promotion today. I work directly with Koenma now. I suppose that could be considered exciting. I don't really know what to say to him. He just… he's always so stressed.

* * *

Dear Diary,

There's this kid. I have to work with him for who knows how long. He jumped in front of a car. He wasn't supposed to die, but he died to save a little kid. Which is interesting. No one here thought he would do anything. Everyone thought he'd let the kid get run over. The kid wouldn't have gotten hurt at all. It almost restores my faith in humanity, that even the toughest guy on the streets has the potential to give his life to save someone else.

But he really is a piece of work. He acts all tough and macho, but I think he has a good heart.

Kind of like Koenma. He acts all serious and takes his job seriously, but he seems very kind. Who would have thought that the ruler of the Underworld would be so nice to all his employees?

* * *

Dear Diary,

Yusuke came back to life today. Underworld Detective now. That's exciting. Koenma mentioned that he's had others in the past. But he didn't seem to want to talk about it much. He seemed upset.

I feel kind of sorry for him. I don't understand why he tortures himself about it. I looked up his last Underworld Detectives. One of them turned on him. Decided that humanity should be eliminated entirely.

I really admire Master Koenma's strength.

* * *

Dear Diary,

He caught them! It's unbelievable! Yusuke stopped them and got the treasures back! It's fantastic. I never would have guessed he'd be able to do it, but he somehow succeeded.

Master Koenma got in trouble though. I wish I could have taken his punishment for him. It wasn't really fair. It isn't his fault they got stolen! And he did everything he could to get them back as quickly as possible. I wish he hadn't gotten punished.

* * *

Dear Diary,

They beat the four beasts. I am so exhausted. Keiko and I went through a lot today. It's time to go to sleep.

Koenma is proud of us though. He's proud of me. That makes me happy.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Genkai is dead. How can she be dead? It's not fair! It's not fair at all! Why couldn't she have beat him? She deserves to live more than he does?

How could Master Koenma allow something like this to happen?

* * *

Dear Diary,

They won. The younger Toguro is dead. Finally. Master Koenma seems very relieved.

* * *

Dear Diary,

He brought her back! They saved her body, and he allowed her to remain in the Underworld so he could bring her back if they won.

He broke some rules of Underworld conduct to make them all happy. He is a good man, Lord Koenma.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Sensui died. But they declared that his soul was not ours to take. I asked Koenma how it's possible that they could consciously make a decision such as that. He told me it's because they are powerful. They have no desire to leave this realm.

And Yusuke's a demon! That could explain many things. Maybe.

But why didn't Lord Koenma know he was a demon? Why was King Enma keeping such things from him?

* * *

Dear Diary,

They are all out of the running to become King now. Perhaps it was all too good to last. At least it was Enki who won, rather than Yomi or Mukuro. Lord Koenma thought it a bad idea, since Mukuro is violent and Yomi wishes to control all three realms.

Lord Koenma is very wise.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Today Koenma and I spent hours working on organizing the top-secret files. It was just the two of us. I am happy that he trusts me with that.

It was nice, working side by side with him. I enjoy it. It happens very rarely, though.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Today I realized that, over the years I have spent working for him, especially when I was in the life threatening situations with Yusuke, I have come to like Lord Koenma a lot more than I realized.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I'm in love with Lord Koenma.


	6. E is for Eggnog

_**Eggnog**_

"Happy Christmas!" Yusuke shouts, bursting into the temple, his mother behind him. "Who's ready for a party?"

Kuwabara appears in the opposite doorway and replies, "You're late, Urameshi. The party started fifteen minutes ago."

Yusuke tackles Kuwabara. Watching them, Keiko remarks to Shizuru, "If I didn't know better, I'd swear they had a thing for each other."

Shizuru lights a cigarette and nods. "There are some definite man-crushes going on between those two blockheads."

"Man-crush?" Kurama asks, approaching the two girls and watching the brawl.

"You know," Shizuru says, "One guy's acknowledgement of another's good looks, even if both of them are straight."

"Not that either of them is particularly good looking," Keiko mutters wryly.

"I've never heard of such a thing in my life," Kurama answers.

Suddenly Botan flies into the room, tailed by Yukina. Yusuke and Kuwabara finally pick themselves up off the floor. "Where's Genkai?" Yusuke asks.

"Kitchen," Shizuru answers. "Putting the final ingredients in the eggnog, if you know what I mean."

"Sweet," Yusuke shouts, disappearing. Atsuko and Kuwabara follow him.

In moments they've returned, each carrying a glass of the thick, alcoholic beverage. Yusuke is carrying three. He offers one to Kurama and one to Keiko. "Come on, you two. Just for tonight. Let loose, it'll be fun."

Keiko smiles and snatches the drink from him. "You really think I'm that much of a prude? I grew up with _you_." Then she drains the glass.

Kurama stifles his own laughter at the look on Yusuke's face as he takes a drink of his own. "Tonight cannot end well," he notes.

"Maybe it won't end well," Shizuru says, "But it'll be fun until then."

As the night proceeds, games are played, getting more and more ridiculous as the group gets more drunk.

Genkai watches the younger generation with intense amusement, not drinking herself.

"Dare!" Yusuke shouts.

"Kiss Kurama," Shizuru drawls.

A look of disgust crosses Yusuke's face. Then he shrugs. "What the hell. Not like anyone will remember this tomorrow anyway."

He strides across the room and quickly kisses a completely stunned Kurama on the mouth. Shizuru and the others howl with laughter at the look on Kurama's face.

As the night wears on, the number of people awake dwindles, slowly at first, then more and more quickly.

Finally, Genkai is the only one awake. She looks down at her tallies and laughs to herself. "Heh. Who would have guessed it."

_The next morning…_

"Oh good god. My head," Yusuke says, sitting up. He staggers to the kitchen to find everyone there.

Genkai hands him a cup of tea. She says to everyone, "I knew you'd all be drinking anyway, so the eggnog was just my treat. It also made the competition a bit more fair, since everyone was drinking the same thing."

"Competition?" Keiko frowns.

Genkai grins. "I wanted to see who had the highest tolerance for alcohol. Interesting results, too."

"What are they, you crazy old bat?" Yusuke demands.

Genkai chuckles. "Well, Atsuko drank the most before becoming visibly inebriated and the most before passing out."

"Alcoholic," Atsuko reminds everyone, pouring a bit of whiskey in her tea.

"Yes…but after Atsuko, Shizuru got through the most glasses before she was no longer sober."

"Ah, god," Shizuru mutters. "That's embarrassing."

"So who drank the most before passing out?" Kuwabara asks.

Everyone stares, disbelieving, as Genkai gives the answer. "Keiko."


	7. F is for Forbidden Fruit

_**Forbidden Fruit**_

Looking away, I tried to keep the tears from spilling out of my eyes. Right now, it's actually hurting to hold them in. It's _painful_ how stupid the two of them are. "Keiko?" Yusuke asks, suddenly worried. "What I said—I didn't mean—"

I burst out laughing. "You're _idiots_," I say, wiping tears from my eyes. "Both of you."

Yusuke and Kuwabara look disgruntled at my accusation. Hiei on the other hand says, "It took you nineteen years to figure that out?"

I shake my head. "Just stating the obvious. They evidently need it."

"What do you mean?" Kurama asks. "They're both smarter than you give them credit for."

"Uh-huh," I answer skeptically. "And that's why they're eating those apples."

Taking another bite, Yusuke says, "What about the apples?"

"They were Shizuru's lunch. She specifically warned us not to eat them." Yusuke just looks confused. Kuwabara, however, drops what's left of the apple like it's a bomb ready to explode.

"What's wrong with you?" Hiei asks.

"I've eaten Shizuru's food before," Kuwabara says, looking horrified. "One of two things happens. Either she beats me up for it when she finds out or she has put something in it to make me regret taking her food. Once it was laxatives."

As Yusuke howls, Kurama and I chuckle. I don't think Yusuke realizes what could happen to him when Shizuru finds her lunch missing. I glance at the clock. It's almost eleven thirty. She'll be ready to eat anytime now.

Sure enough, her voice echoes through the house. "Who took my lunch?"

Kuwabara is out the door in a little less than a second. Hiei and Kurama just stand against the wall looking at Yusuke. He continues eating the apple as though nothing is wrong. Shizuru enters the room and sees Yusuke and the apple Kuwabara dropped. She glowers. Yusuke grins.

He stops grinning the moment Shizuru starts pounding his head and face like she hits Kuwabara on a rather frequent basis. Then out of her back pocket she pulls a length of rope, and holds Yusuke to the ground. When she stands up and brushes her hands off, Yusuke is hogtied with the remainder of the apple in his mouth.

"Now where's my brother?" Shizuru asks.

Kurama points to the door. When she leaves, Hiei remarks, "Finally. Someone with a little sense."

* * *

Author Note: My user name changed. It's still the same author, so don't freak out.


	8. G is for Gone

_Genkai on Toguro_

Gone  
He is gone  
And he is not coming back  
Gone  
It may be just,  
After violent attacks

Gone  
He is gone  
He's disappeared into hell  
Gone  
All I have left  
Is his last, calm farewell

Gone  
He is gone  
And after so many years  
Gone  
I am alone  
And I'm holding back tears

Gone  
He is gone  
And there is nothing to do  
Gone  
All that I know  
Is that his heart stayed true

Gone  
He is gone  
As though he never was here  
Gone  
And somehow he went  
Without any fear

Gone  
He is gone  
Though his heart died long ago  
Gone  
Torn from his chest  
By that terrible foe

Gone  
He is gone  
He chose to pay for those sins  
Gone  
Despite the fact  
None of the fault was his

Gone  
He is gone  
And I suppose he's at ease  
Gone  
Torture of hell  
Will at last bring him peace

Gone  
He is gone  
He has succumbed to his guilt  
Gone  
Amplified by  
The blood he has spilt

Gone  
He is gone  
And his soul is at rest  
Gone  
He is gone  
Perhaps all for the best

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Reviews...

YYHfan-KB:chapter six is... eggnog? That's one of my favorites too. Of course, I have random chapters written that I like better (j and t for example), but that's okay.

animegrlsteph: glad you liked it. sorry this one's depressing. :(


	9. J is for Jokes

_I am here to regretfully inform you that I have absolutely no inspiration for this story any longer. As a result, I am going to post the chapters I have written, but I will not be writing any new ones. Sorry.-KG64_

* * *

_**Jokes**_

Botan walked up to Yusuke and asked, "Did you hear the one about the tap dancer?"

"Yeah," Yusuke sighed. "Poor guy fell in the sink." He paused then asked, "Botan, why did the koala bear fall off his bike?"

She thought a moment. "I don't know. Why?"

"Someone threw a refrigerator at him," Kuwabara answered, throwing a juice box to Botan and one to Yusuke. "Why did the plane crash?"

Botan and Yusuke both shrugged. "Why?"

"The pilot was a loaf of bread!" All three of them cracked up. Then Kuwabara said, "I have another. What's blue, round, two centimeters across, weighs a thousand pounds and goes _nyuk_, _nyuk_, _nyuk_?"

Yusuke's brow furrowed, but Botan laughed in delight. "Nothing!" She immediately moved on to the next joke, "So two penguins wearing blonde wigs are sitting in a bathtub of rocks. The first penguin says to the second penguin, 'pass the ketchup.' The second penguin replies, 'what do I look like, a typewriter?'"

As they howled with laughter, Yusuke choked out, "There was a dyslexic man. He walked into a bra."

After their laughter subsided a bit, Botan managed to ask, "What's the difference between an elephant and a peanut butter sandwich?"

Yusuke's brow furrowed once more, and a look of deep concentration crossed Kuwabara's face. At the same moment, they said, "I don't know."

Botan shook her head in mock disappointment then sang out, "Then you're both idiots!"

Yusuke had just taken a drink from his juice box, but then he snorted so hard it all come out of his nose. "Ow. What's the best way to drown a blonde?"

"Oh, I know this one!" Botan called out. "Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool!"

Yusuke stared at her a moment then said, "That's absolutely ridiculous, Botan. The best way to drown a blonde is to tie bricks to her feet. What do you get when you throw a grenade into a French kitchen?"

"Linoleum blown-apart!" Kuwabara shouted the answer. "Why did the cow cross the road?"

"The chicken farted," Yusuke choked out. "Why did Mary fall off the swing?"

"Mary was a potato!" Botan shouted.

"Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?" Kuwabara snorted. Without waiting for a reply, he finished, "He sold his soul to Santa."

"Oh!" Botan said. "Ask me if I'm a banana!"

"Are you a banana?" the other two asked at the same time.

"No."

"The doctor told the patient, 'you're dying,'" Botan began. "The patient said, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor added, 'you're ugly, too.'"

"If the doctor was talking to Kuwabara, I second that one!" Yusuke shouted. "Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin said 'wow, it's hot in here!' What did the second muffin say?"

"Whoa, a talking muffin!" Kuwabara answered.

"No, that's ridiculous," Botan said, waving the answer away with her hand. "The second said, 'Duh. It's three hundred and seventy five degrees.' If a bagpipe and a piccolo are dropped out of a twentieth floor window, which one hits the ground first?"

"The bagpipe," Yusuke said.

"Who cares?" Botan answered.

As Yusuke guffawed, Kuwabara asked, "If a person who plays the piano is called a pianist, why isn't a person who drives a racecar called a racist?"

They collapsed into a fit of laughter.

"What's a fly without wings called?"

"A walk! If someone with multiple personality disorder threatened to kill themself, would it be considered a hostage situation?"

"Is there another word for synonym?"

"Why do they put Braille on drive-thru bank machines?"

"How is it possible to have a 'civil war?'"

"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, what happens to the others?"

"What did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall?"

"Dam! What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?"

"Pull the pin out and throw it back!"

"How do you keep a moron in suspense?"

"How?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow!"

"A man met a chicken on a road. The man said, 'The name's Bond. James Bond.' The chicken replied, 'The name's Ken. Chic Ken.'"

"How do you confuse a moron?"

"Stick him in a circular room, and tell him to sit in the corner!"

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?"

"Finding half a worm! Why did the moron fall on the floor?"

"He tripped over the cordless phone! David's father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and—"

"David! How do you change a blonde's mind?"

"Blow in her ear. How do blonde brain cells die?"

"Alone!" Yusuke answered. He put his hand to his mouth and whispered to Botan, pointing to Kuwabara, "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."

Botan giggled. "Two idiots were trying to light a fire. The first one couldn't get the match to light, the second one said, 'that's strange, it lit this morning.'"

"Why did the girl fall off the swing?"

"She didn't have any arms!"

"What do you call a sheep with no legs?"

"A cloud! How do you stop a fish from smelling?"

"Cut off its nose. What do you call a fish with no eye?"

"FSH! Hey, Kuwabara you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head!"

"Where do you find a one legged dog?"

"Where you left it. What do you do with a dog that's missing its two back legs?"

"Take it for a drag! What's pink and fluffy?"

"Pink fluff! What's blue and fluffy?"

"Pink fluff that's holding its breath!"

"A blonde walked into a bar—ouch!"

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?"

"A stick! What did one tomato say to the other?"

"You go ahead, I'll ketchup! You know how geese fly in a V? Why is one side always longer than the other?"

"There are more geese on that side! Why do swallows fly south in the winter?"

"It's too far to walk. How do you make a band stand?"

"Hide all their chairs. When is a door not a door?"

"When it's ajar. What do you call a chicken at the north pole?"

"LOST!"

Kurama and Koenma stared at Botan, Yusuke and Kuwabara. The three of them were laughing so hard they were almost crying. As they gasped in an effort to catch their breath, Koenma's eyes were wide with horror.

Slowly, in astonishment, shaking his head, Kurama noted, "It's like they're speaking their own language."

"Uh-huh," Koenma agreed. "And to think that these are the three who have been saving humanity the last few years."


	10. L is for Leaning

_**Leaning**_

Kurama walked up to the tree where Hiei could normally be found. "Hey, Hiei, come down here a second," he called.

The shorter man dropped from the tree. "What do you want?" he demanded.

"Yusuke wants to have a get together. I was sent to recruit you."

"Why you?"

"Actually, I volunteered," Kurama replied calmly as they began making a circle around the park. "I thought I was probably the person most capable of convincing you to come."

"Why would I want to come?" Hiei asked darkly.

Kurama shrugged. "I don't know. It might be fun."

"Right," Hiei muttered, but Kurama could see that he had Hiei convinced.

"Tomorrow at four, Yusuke's place." Kurama smiled. As he walked away, Hiei stared after him.

_The next day…_

Kurama and Hiei showed up at Yusuke and Atsuko's apartment together. "What's up!" Yusuke said, when they appeared. Seeing Hiei, he added, "You came!"

"Kurama talked me into it."

Kurama smiled inwardly. "It was a pain in the butt, dragging him here."

Yusuke pulled them inside and shut the door. Everyone was just sitting around, talking, chatting, joking. Hiei slipped into a corner, and Kurama followed, sitting down a few feet away.

After about an hour, Yusuke turned to Kurama. "Kurama, you need to get a girlfriend."

"What?" Kurama looked shocked.

Everyone else, while surprised at how blunt Yusuke was, couldn't help but privately agree. "Girlfriend, Kurama," Yusuke repeated. "You're always so quiet, always staying in a corner by yourself. I think having a girl would make you a bit more…fun."

"Maybe," Kurama said mildly. "I guess the right girl just hasn't come along yet."

"The right girl?" Shizuru asked sarcastically. "Why's it have to be the right girl for her to be your girlfriend? And how'll you know if it's the right girl if you never date anyone?"

Kurama shrugged. "I don't particularly see the point."

"If you had a girlfriend you might be more involved in the conversation," Kuwabara explained. "That could only be an improvement."

Suddenly Atsuko called out to everyone, "Food's on!"

Everyone laughed at the idea that Atsuko had actually cooked something. They swooped in on the takeout, and the meal began.

Hiei stared at them with contempt. As Kurama moved to follow everyone else, Hiei grabbed his arm, stopping him. "I need to talk with you. Outside."

Kurama looked at him for a long moment then nodded. They walked into the hall, where Hiei faced Kurama, a dark look written on his face. "What do you mean you haven't found the right girl yet, Kurama? What was all that about?"

"Hey, I didn't bring it up, Hiei," Kurama defended. "And I never once said I was looking for a girl. That's just what all of them said."

Hiei grimaced suspiciously. Then Kurama stepped forward, forcing Hiei up against the wall. His palms were pressed against the wall, one arm on either side of Hiei's head, his entire body inclined towards the shorter man. "No reason in the world for me to be looking at girls, Hiei. I'm perfectly okay with what I have right now."

Hiei frowned, but he didn't object when Kurama bent his head forward and pressed his lips to Hiei's. When Kurama pulled back, his breathing was heavy. Then Hiei said, "Very well. I believe you."

"Good."

Kurama prepared to kiss him again, but from the door of Atsuko's apartment Keiko said, "There you are Kurama! Where's Hiei?"

Kurama took a second to compose his face then turned to Keiko. "He's here. We were just settling a small…dispute."

"Well everyone was wondering where you guys went off to," Keiko said cheerfully. "And if you want food, you better hurry. You know what Kuwabara and Yusuke are like around food."

Kurama nodded. "We've almost got the situation worked out. We'll be back in a minute."

Keiko watched him a moment, then nodded and disappeared back inside.

Kurama turned back to Hiei, leaning in again. "No girls, Hiei," he whispered, as Hiei stared up at him. "I swear it."

Hiei reached up and pulled Kurama's face down to his so that their lips met once again. "Okay, Kurama, I trust you. Just, the way you were talking in there…you know I'm a very jealous person."

Kurama grinned, still standing over him. "It makes me happy to think that you care enough to be jealous." He pushed himself away from the wall, and they walked back into the apartment. No more words were said on the subject, and they grabbed food and settled back into their normal routine.

_Four hours later…_

"Yusuke," Keiko said, "I have to go. I told my mother I would be home an hour ago."

"Fine," Yusuke said. "Go. Leave me here, alone, forsaken, with all these idiots." There was a pause then, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" as he got hit from almost every angle.

"You're the idiot," Keiko muttered. "But for some stupid reason I love you anyway." She put her hands to his chest and leaned into him as his arms encircled her.

"Love you too, Keiko."

Keiko pulled back and turned to leave. Then she turned back to Shizuru. "What are you grinning at?"

"You were leaning," Shizuru laughed.

"Leaning?" Keiko asked. "What's the big deal? I gave him a hug, so what?"

"I've seen you two hug before," Shizuru replied devilishly. "That was not a hug. That was leaning. Haven't you ever seen _While You Were Sleeping_?"

Keiko shook her head. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Shizuru."

"_Leaning is a lot different from hugging_," Shizuru quoted. "_Hugging is different… it involves arms and hands. Leaning is whole bodies moving in. Leaning involves wanting… and accepting._"

There was a dark flash through Keiko's eyes as she recalled the scene she had stumbled across in the hallway. "You're crazy," she finally said. The only alternative was that…she shook her head. "I really need to go." She turned on her heel and left, snapping the door shut behind her.

"I think she remembered what she saw in the hall," Kurama muttered so quietly only Hiei heard him.

"You think?" Hiei muttered back.

"What just happened?" Yusuke asked, staring after his girlfriend.

"You two were leaning," his mother cackled. "At least according to Shizuru."

"I'm still lost," Kuwabara said, shaking his head.

Shizuru sighed. "_Leaning is a lot different from hugging. Hugging is different…it involves arms and hands. Leaning is whole bodies moving in. Leaning involves wanting and accepting_," Shizuru repeated. "Leaning has a lot more meaning than a simple hug."

Thinking on the scene in the hall, Kurama glanced at Hiei and muttered, "It involves wanting and accepting."

"They have no idea."


	11. M is for Makeup

_**Makeup**_

**Kurama POV**

I stare out the window at the pouring rain. It's so dreary outside. It's been like this for nearly a week. Rain is good. But I could live without it coming in these quantities.

Suddenly the front door slams open, and I hear Yusuke call out, "Kurama, you home?"

"Coming," I call. I walk into the kitchen to find Yusuke and Kuwabara digging through the pantry, already having kicked off their shoes. "What're you guys doing here?"

"My stand isn't exactly built for the rain," Yusuke answers promptly. "I've been bored out of my mind the last week."

"And you, Kuwabara?" I ask. "Don't you have school?"

"Yeah, I was supposed to," he replies, ripping open a bag of chips. "But the school discovered that when there's this much rain, the roof leaks. A lot. So all classes were cancelled."

"I see," I answer. "I like the rain in smaller amounts. It's good for the plants. But when it's this much…did you guys see my garden?"

"You mean your mud pit?" Yusuke asks. Yes, they've seen it then.

"Yes," I sigh. "There is such a thing as too much of a good thing."

"Well…there's another reason I'm here," Yusuke suddenly admits.

"And that would be…?" I prompt.

"I kind of made a bet with Hiei. On accident." This doesn't sound good. Yusuke hesitates then goes ahead with his story, as always in the manner of nothing ventured, nothing gained. "Kuwabara and I were laughing about the time just after the tournament when people kept thinking you were Kuwabara's girlfriend. Sorry."

"No you're not," I mutter.

"Okay," he admits. "I'm not. But then Hiei said you look nothing like a woman, and I accidentally bet him I could get you admitted to Keiko's school."

"That's an all-girls school," I say.

"I know," he answers. "That's why I would very much appreciate your cooperation."

"No, Yusuke," I say. "There is no way in hell I am dressing up like a girl."

"Please?" Yusuke asks. "It'll piss Hiei off if I win the bet."

"Absolutely not," I reply. "Why on earth would I want to piss Hiei off? He's bad enough when he's not angry."

Yusuke shrugs. "It's something to do."

"Just because it's something to do does not make it a good idea," I counter.

Yusuke grins. "Look at me, Kurama. Can you honestly tell me you never dressed up like a woman as a tactic to break in somewhere in order to steal something? If you can honestly say you haven't, I'll admit defeat."

Twice. I did that twice. But how could he possibly know that? Both occurrences were hundreds of years before he was born. "How could you _possibly_ have known that?"

"You like testing the intelligence of others against your own, Kurama. I doubt there's much you never tried, as far as deceiving people goes," Yusuke replies. Unfortunately, he's right.

Kuwabara mutters, "In other words, it was a complete guess." Yusuke elbows him. "Ow!"

"So will you do it?" Yusuke asks. "Or do I need to resort to more drastic measures?"

Well…they already know I've pretended to be a woman in the past. And I don't like to think what Yusuke has in mind for his 'drastic measures.' And, if I'm being honest with myself, it _is_ something to do, and I actually enjoy making Hiei angry. "Fine," I sigh. "Once. Never again. And you owe me."

Kuwabara's eyes widen in shock. Finally he chokes out, "I can't believe he's actually willing to do this, Urameshi."

Yusuke shrugs, but he's grinning in delight. "The new semester starts in a month," he says. "We have that long to get you ready."

"Wonderful." My answer is so sarcastic that Yusuke begins laughing.

_Three weeks later…_

Yusuke appears at my door. "Up for some shopping, Kurama?"

I groan internally. "If it's for women's clothing, you're paying."

"Whatever." He grabs me by the arm, and he and Kuwabara haul me down the street to the bus stop.

When we reach the department store, I hesitate to get off the bus. What could possibly have made me agree to this? In the past the only person who knew I was a man was myself.

"Come on, Kurama," Yusuke urges. "You already look enough like a girl that no one will blink when you walk into the women's section."

"I hate you," I reply, walking down the steps of the public transport vehicle.

"Then why are you doing this?" Kuwabara asks.

"I hate a smug Hiei even more." Kuwabara and Yusuke glance at each other and begin laughing at my reasoning.

We walk into the store and into the section targeting teen girls. I turn to leave, but Yusuke grabs my arm, spinning me back around. "Just shoes, jeans, a blouse and a bra, Kurama. You'll have a uniform after that, but you need clothes for the meeting with the headmistress."

Bra? "Just?" I snap. "Meeting?"

"Yeah," he says, completely relaxed. "I already sent in your transcript. You've already been accepted, but the woman wants to discuss your schedule with you and your mother. Ma will be playing that part."

Atsuko is my mother now. This just gets better and better. I examine the jeans. "How on earth are these things sized?" I complain.

Yusuke shrugs. "No idea. Just guess until you find the right size."

"Thank you, so much."

"You should be practicing your girl voice."

I force my voice slightly higher as I continue searching through the jeans, and I repeat, "Thank you, so much."

Yusuke and Kuwabara stare at me. "Maybe he doesn't need to practice," Kuwabara comments.

"Years of acting and lying," I mutter, grabbing a pair of relatively unassuming jeans. "I can put on almost any persona at a moment's notice."

I escape into the women's dressing room, which is blessedly empty, and pull on the jeans. They fit around the waist but are about four inches too short. It's going to be a long day.

_Later…_

Yusuke and Kuwabara leave me at my house with my new…clothes. As he leaves, Yusuke says, "I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning, Kurama. Shizuru is coming over to teach you how to put on your makeup."

As he runs off down the street, I shout, "Just how far are you taking this, Yusuke? And how many people have you told?"

Is it too late to back out of this?

_The next morning…_

Shizuru walks me through putting on the face paint over and over again, with Yusuke and Kuwabara sniggering in the background. I absolutely cannot believe I'm doing this. I carefully apply the eye shadow, and Shizuru instructs, "Not too much of any of it, or you'll just look like a slut. Now wash your face and do it again."

I reluctantly do as she orders. When I finish she inspects my face and says, "Perfect. Now we absolutely must do something about that hair."

"What's wrong with it?" I ask.

"Nothing—when you're a guy. At the very least, you need to straighten it, preferably do something more with it. Do you have a straightener?" she asks. "Or do you need to borrow one?"

"Why on earth would I have a straightener?" I demand.

Shizuru shrugs and pulls one out of her bag, plugging it into the nearest outlet. "While that's heating, I want you to wash your face and put on your clothes."

I sigh. I wipe my face clean with a washcloth and go into my room. I pull on the pants, and I pull off my shirt. I pick up the skin-tone bra Yusuke forced me to get and slowly slip it on. After struggling with it for a moment, I shout at Shizuru, "How am I supposed to get this damn thing on?"

"It's not that difficult," she answers through the door. "You're smart, Kurama, you'll figure it out. And you'd be surprised how quickly you can get the hang of it. It'll be second nature in no time." Why would I need to put the stupid thing on more than once?

I finally fix the clasp. Yusuke insisted on the padded bra so that I would have at least a little bit of a chest. I am going to kill him when all this is over.

I pull on the shirt and leave my room. Yusuke and Kuwabara howl with laughter. I pull at the wire wrapped around my chest, pushing in on my ribcage and restricting my breathing. "This is so uncomfortable. How do you wear these things all the time?"

"Welcome to my life," Shizuru grumbles. Then she turns to face me. She glances me over then nods. "Not bad. Now straighten your hair."

I do as she asks. The more I cooperate, the sooner this torture will be over. I hope. I straighten every inch of my hair, and it is easily the simplest task thus far. "Now the makeup," Shizuru commands.

"_Again_?"

"Yes, _again_. You need to know a good order to do everything in."

I sigh and cover my face in the various powders and pastes. When I finish, Shizuru walks circles around me. Finally she says, "If I were a guy, I would totally date you."

"Shizuru, are you aware of how completely twisted that is?"

She thinks a moment then answers, "Maybe it is, but it's also completely true. You make a very pretty girl, Kurama."

_One week later…_

Atsuko and I just finished the meeting. The woman didn't seem suspicious of anything. Disapproving of Atsuko, yes. Indicating that she suspected I'm a guy, no.

And, according to the records, "Midori" starts tomorrow. Thank god this is over.

Yusuke meets us at the gates. "Well?" he asks.

"She didn't blink twice," I mutter.

"Well," Yusuke says, "I forgot to mention that for me to win the bet you have to go for a week in the school without getting caught."

He has got to be joking. I stare, and Atsuko says, "You've gotten this far. Might as well keep going."

I glare. "When this is over, Yusuke, I am going to kill you."

"But I'll have won my bet."

He's more concerned about winning his bet than he is about the possibility of murder. And I'm aiding him in that bet. That's it. We're all officially insane.

_The next day…_

Today has been so boring. I already know everything. I forgot just how dull high school can be. Maybe I just expected it to be different since it's an all-girls school. But it's not.

English was particularly painful. I've already nearly mastered the language, but the other girls are still struggling with it. I sit down at a table and begin eating my lunch. Soon a girl comes up to me. "I normally sit here," she tells me shyly. "Do you mind if I keep sitting here?"

I shake my head. "I can move if you want me to."

She shakes her head back and forth quickly. "No. I mean, it's fine. I normally sit alone."

I frown. "You seem like a nice person. Why do you sit alone?"

She turns bright red. "I'm not too good at talking to other people."

We spend the rest of our lunch talking. And no matter what she claims, she is good at talking to people. She is quite capable of an intellectual conversation. She even laughs once or twice. She's… cute. Maybe this won't be too bad after all.

The bell rings. I look at my schedule. I take that back. I have gym this hour. I hurry to the locker room, only to find several girls already there, already changing. Including Keiko. Not good, not good, not good.

I hurry into a bathroom stall and change in private. I take as long as I possibly can, but when I come out, some of them are still changing. In a past life, this wouldn't have been a problem, I might have enjoyed it even. But now… I should not be seeing this. I avert my eyes as I feel my face turning red.

Keiko sees me and frowns. Then she calls to me, "You seem really familiar. Do you know Yusuke Urameshi?" Heh. She's figured out that this is his doing.

"Yes," I answer, keeping my eyes fixed on the ground.

"Figures," she mutters.

_Three days later…_

These last few days really haven't been that bad. Kind of monotonous, actually. But I find myself actually looking forward to my lunch period and the time I get to spend with Izumi.

She's more relaxed around me now. I'm going to miss her when I leave. And I'm beginning to feel guilty. I'm lying to her. I… she's already so shy. What will she do when she discovers I've been deceiving her since the beginning?

_Two days later…_

"Midori?" Izumi asks me. "Are you okay? You're very quiet."

It's just… today's my last day. I won't be seeing her again. I've finished what I've agreed to do. Wait. I smile. "I'm fine." Just because I've finished my one week doesn't mean I can't stay longer, since they haven't discovered the truth yet. I'll stay for her. At least until I find a way to tell her the truth.

_Later…_

I meet Yusuke and Shizuru outside the school gates. "I didn't think you'd actually go through with it," he says.

"There was never any bet, was there?" I ask. I realized that halfway through this week. But by then… these feelings I'm having for Izumi had already taken hold, whatever they may be.

Yusuke laughs. "No. If you knew that, why'd you stay?"

I hesitate, and Shizuru says, "It surprises me that you're a transvestite by choice, Kurama."

I roll my eyes. "There's this girl I eat lunch with every day, Izumi… I can't leave without telling her the truth. But I didn't know how."

"You still haven't told her the truth, have you?" Shizuru asks.

I shake my head. "I think… I'm going to stay here until I do."

Yusuke laughs at me, and Shizuru shakes her head. "Dressing up as a girl in order to pick up a girl. And you call me twisted."

"Shut up."

_One month later…_

I look at Izumi. I need to know if I'm wasting my time here or if I should just tell her the truth and be gone. "Izumi, do you have a boyfriend?" I ask.

"What?" she ask, turning the color of fresh tomatoes. "Why would you ask that?"

"I was just wondering," I answer. "It seems like boys are all teenage girls ever talk about, but you're not like that. I was simply wondering if that's because there's a specific guy or just that you think men are too much trouble to be worth it."

She smiles. "You don't talk about guys either, Midori," she points out. "Don't you have a boyfriend? You're so pretty. Not like me…"

"You're pretty, Izumi," I say instinctively. She is, too. I'm not just being nice. She's beautiful. Maybe not in the pop-culture sense of the word, but she is beautiful.

"Thanks, Midori." She smiles and says, "So, you never answered my question."

"No, I do not have a boyfriend," I reply. God forbid. I may be cross-dressing, but that does not make me gay. "You could not pay me enough."

She laughs. I eat my food as she pokes at hers. "Is there something wrong?" I ask.

"Just… can you meet me here at midnight? I need to tell you something personal. I don't want to risk anyone overhearing." She looks so sad.

"Of course," I promise, nearly slipping out of my voice acting. It's been getting harder and harder to maintain this persona around her. I don't want to lie to her. Tonight. If she's going to tell me something personal, I need to tell her the truth first.

_Midnight…_

I meet her at our table. "Izumi," I say. "There's something I need to tell you, before you tell me anything personal that you wouldn't tell anyone else."

She shakes her head. "No. I can't let you tell me anything until I've told you what's going on."

Because she definitely understands what's really going on here. I sigh. "Fine."

"I just fear that… if I tell the truth, I will lose your friendship," she admits. She hesitates then plunges headfirst into her confession. "Ever since I met you, I've been struggling with my… sexuality, I guess. I've always liked guys. But now… I'm attracted to you, Midori. I can't pretend I'm not. I guess… I guess I just needed you to know that. If you don't want to be my friend anymore…"

She trails off, and I can see that the idea of losing my friendship is hurting her. She looks down, ashamed. I cross the short distance between us and tilt her face up to look at me. Her brown eyes stare into mine, completely confused. I brush her dark hair from her eyes with the back of my hand. I smile, lean in and kiss her as gently as I can. She freezes in surprise. When I pull back, I cup her shocked and slightly horrified face in my left hand. "No worries, Izumi," I assure her in a whisper of my real voice. "If you are attracted to guys and you are attracted to me, you are far less confused than you believe." Her eyes open wide when I use my real voice. "I dressed as a girl because a friend needed me to be here for a week."

She pulls her hands out of mine. "Why?" she whispers. "Why didn't you leave after that first week? Has it all been a lie? I trusted you," she accuses.

I take a step back and run my fingers through my too-straight hair. "By the end of that first week, you were my friend, maybe already on the way to being something more. I couldn't leave without telling you the truth, but I didn't know how to tell you without hurting you." I grin and make an effort to lighten the mood. "I wasn't in the habit of cross-dressing until I met you." I pull at the strap of the bra I'm wearing like the madman I am. "And I do not envy you these in the slightest."

"But you stayed because…"

"I did not wish to hurt you."

She bites her lip then asks, "What's your real name?"

I hesitate. "That's a long story."

"I have time. And a basic plotline will do."

I smile. "I'm a fox demon. My name was Kurama, and I still go by that name more frequently than I would like. But here in the human world… here, I'm known as Shuichi. I'll answer to either." I shrug and add, "And after a month, I'm automatically answering to Midori as well." She giggles. I hesitate then add, "When everyone wakes up tomorrow, I won't be here. But…"

"But?"

"Can I take you to dinner Friday? As an apology, if nothing more."

She shakes her head. Oh. Then she smiles shyly. "But I would like to meet the friend who convinced you to pull this crazy stunt. Then maybe you can take me to dinner. As more than just an apology."

I smile. "Okay."

"Pick me up here at the school? The front gates?"

I nod. "It's a date."

_Two days later…_

I pick her up at the gates to the school. "Everyone's flipping out about you being missing."

I shrug. "They'll get over it." I offer her my arm, she takes it, and we catch a bus to Yusuke's neighborhood.

We knock on the door of Yusuke and Atsuko's apartment. It's Kuwabara who answers. I raise an eyebrow, and he says, "Yusuke thought we might want to meet her too."

"We?" I ask.

"Just me, Hiei, Shizuru and Keiko." Hiei. Well, this is sure to be fun.

"Keiko?" Izumi asks me. "Keiko Yukimura?"

"Yeah," I say. "Her boyfriend's the one who initiated this whole thing."

"I didn't know she had a boyfriend."

"If I do, it's most certainly _not_ Yusuke," Keiko shouts.

"Would you prefer if we called him the love of your life?" Shizuru retorts.

Izumi's eyes widen at the friendly bickering. I don't think she really believed me when I described what it was like to hang out with my friends. She's probably a bit low-key for this group. Ah well.

As Shizuru begins making friendly conversation with Izumi, Yusuke approaches me, along with Hiei. Yusuke just shakes his head. "Only you, Kurama, could manage to get a girlfriend by pretending to be a girl for a month and a half."

Hiei grins wickedly. "Never would have pegged you for a lesbian, Kurama."

I am never going to hear the end of this.

Izumi walks over and whispers in my ear, "You know… it's actually kind of disconcerting seeing you without your makeup."


	12. S is for Snow Day

_**Snow Day**_

_Yusuke POV_

"It's snowing!" Botan calls out in delight, appearing at my door.

"Really?" I ask, looking out the window. The snow is coming down heavy and fast. "Sweet. Snow day tomorrow." I laugh. "Keiko will be thrilled. She's been studying for a test for the last week and now it won't be tomorrow."

Botan giggles. "What'll you be doing tomorrow?"

"I'll probably go bug Keiko and then drop by Kurama's place for a while." She looks disappointed. "No reason you can't come too. It's just Kurama."

She smiles. "Yay!"

_The next day…_

I charge into Kurama's house. "What's with the perfectly shoveled path?" I ask.

"Path?" he asks, obviously confused, a look I wish I could see more often. "What path?"

"The path through your front yard," Keiko says.

"I haven't been outside today," Kurama answers. "Shiori and my brother are still asleep, and my stepfather didn't have time to do any shoveling before work." He gets up and looks out the window. "That path goes far beyond my yard, you guys. And the snow was melted, not shoveled."

"Hiei?" Botan laughs.

Kurama nods. "I assume so. He's in the kitchen. He showed up this morning and invited himself to stay until the snow is gone."

Botan and I laugh. Oh god, that's funny. Hiei's afraid of snow. Then Keiko remarks, "And I thought I hated snow."

We walk into the kitchen and find Hiei leaning up against the wall, tilting his chair back on two legs, arms crossed. I glance at Kurama, and he nods. Then we each grab Hiei by one arm and carry him outside and throw him in the snow. Botan and Keiko take the initiative and start hurling snowballs.

It doesn't take more than a couple minutes for Hiei to lose his temper. I grab Keiko and Botan and jump back out of the way as he sends waves of demonic fire rolling over the yard. "I hate snow!" he yells. The snow in Kurama's yard is instantly melted, and one of the trees catches fire. Hiei goes to stand next to it, hands out to warm them. "That's better."


	13. T is for Ten Pin

_**Ten Pin**_

Yusuke grabs his dark blue bowling ball and steps onto the approach. With a look of deep concentration on his face, he takes four steps forward, swings his arm back and releases the ball. It tears down the lane, heading straight for the right gutter.

But just as it's about to fall off the lane, the sixteen pound bowling ball hooks back to the left, crashing violently into the headpin.

Standing back, Kurama and Kuwabara watch in horror as Yusuke is left with a nasty split in the very first frame.

Then, coldly, Hiei asks, "What, precisely, is the point of this?"

Kurama smiles. "Knock down as many pins as possible."

"Better than the seven-ten," Yusuke shouts back to them, waiting at the ball return, still in a perfectly good mood.

"Just shut up and bowl, Urameshi," Kuwabara calls back.

"Seven-ten?" Hiei asks.

"Each pin has a number. The front pin is the one or the headpin. Then each row is numbered from the left to the right. The seven is the back left pin, the ten is the back right. It's almost impossible to pick up," Kurama explains.

Yusuke's ball careens down the lane and sends a pin flying. It barely misses the remaining pin. "Damn," he says, falling into a chair. "Almost had it, too."

"So just throw the ball again," Hiei suggests. "I would have thought that would be obvious."

Kurama covers his mouth, trying not to laugh. "You only get to throw the ball twice each turn, Hiei."

"And if you don't knock all the pins down?"

Kuwabara tiptoes forward then flings the ball down the lane with such force that, when it hits the pins head on, they fly in every direction. He turns and shouts at Yusuke, "Strike! What now, Urameshi!"

"What's the big deal?" Hiei asks.

"If you knock down all the pins in a frame, you get extra points," Yusuke says. "Man, Hiei, how can you have been living in the human realm for four years without ever going bowling?"

Hiei ignores his question. Then Kuwabara asks, "Why'd you invite shorty anyway, Urameshi?"

"We needed a fourth bowler," Yusuke answers, waving the question away with his hand as he watches Kurama bowl. "When Kurama asked him the only word he seemed to hear was _competition_."

"How is this a competitive game?" Hiei demands coldly. All of them watch as Kurama stalks forward slowly. Then he swings his right leg out behind him, bringing his shoulder so close to the floor it's a miracle he doesn't fall over. He lets go of the ball almost delicately, sending it rolling silently down the lane. It curves slightly to the left at the last moment, causing the pins to collapse.

"Yes!" Yusuke shouts, standing up in excitement. Answering Hiei's question he says, "We'll each bowl three games. Then our individual totals are added together and compared to the totals of all the other teams here."

"What do we get when we win?"

Yusuke shrugs. "Nothing."

"It's for glory," Kuwabara says valiantly. "Great ball, Kurama."

"It's your turn, Hiei," Kurama says, looking slightly embarrassed by the praise and the noise his team is making. "Don't go past the foul line, or your pins won't count."

Hiei nods and walks to the ball return. He grabs the nearest bowling ball and walks to the foul line. He stands motionless for a moment, glaring at the pins at the other end of the lane. Then he swings his arm back and sends the ball ripping down the lane—directly into the gutter.

He turns and glares at Kurama. "It didn't curve backward."

"Of course not," Kurama laughs. "You have to throw it in a specific way to make it hook like that. Otherwise it goes straight."

"I see." Hiei grabs the ball and returns to the beginning of the lane. This time when he releases the ball, it hits the pins, leaving three standing.

"Now walk back, Hiei," Kurama commands. "You can't use flames to knock them down."

"This game has far too many rules," Hiei mutters.

They watch as Yusuke throws the bowling ball down the lane with the force of a tank. It hooks back, catches the pocket and the pins fall. Yusuke turns around and punches the air. "**BOOM**!" he shouts.

As the game proceeds, Hiei steadily gains a better grasp of what he's supposed to do. In the fifth frame, Yusuke's ball hits the pins and leaves one standing. "Damn it," he shouts. "Fall!"

"What's his issue?" Kuwabara asks. "He's had open frames before now. What's the big deal about this one?"

Kurama smiles rather apologetically. "Yusuke throws a hook. Since he's right-handed, that makes it difficult to hit the ten without putting the ball in the gutter first."

Yusuke's blue bowling ball suddenly turns back to the center of the lane, missing the ten pin by nearly a foot. "Stupid ten," he groans, staring down the lane with a dead look on his face.

"You get it nearly every time," Kuwabara points out to Kurama. "Yours hooks."

"Yes," Kurama admits. "But I don't throw my ball with nearly as much spin as Yusuke does. The more the ball curves, the harder it is to hit the ten."

Kuwabara shrugs and goes to bowl.

"Stupid ten," Yusuke grumbles again. "It's the worst thing I've ever encountered. I have nightmares about that blasted thing."

_An hour later…_

"NO!" Yusuke shouts as the ten stays stubbornly fixed in its place as his bowling ball flies past it. "That's the sixth time I've missed that pin tonight. And we're only halfway through the second game."

"You wouldn't have that problem if you'd just get strikes," Hiei comments.

Yusuke turns to glare. "Like you're one to talk."

"I have a higher score than you right now."

Yusuke looks at the screen and moans to himself, "Wonderful. I'm losing to a guy who's never bowled before."

_The next game…_

Kurama, Kuwabara and Hiei watch as Yusuke gets a strike in the first frame…and the second… and the third. "**BOOM**!" he shouts. "Turkey, y'all!"

"Turkey?" Hiei asks.

"Three strikes in a row," Kurama explains.

"I do not understand human games."

"Found my mark, Kurama," Yusuke says.

The game continues, Yusuke getting strike after strike after strike.

In the tenth frame, he throws the ball, hits his mark, gets a strike. Throws the ball, hits his mark, gets another strike.

Kurama and Kuwabara hold their breath, aware that if Yusuke gets another strike he'll have thrown a perfect game.

Yusuke releases the ball—it hits the pocket—pins go flying—one pin is left standing.

As his 299 high game flashes across the screen, Yusuke falls to his knees and moans, "I hate that fricking ten pin."


	14. W is for Waiting

She told him "It's over, it's best if you leave,"

His absence a gift, a blessed reprieve.

He begged her forgiveness, and for her grace,

But away from his pleas she turned her face.

He took her hand and got down on one knee,

Said "When I return will you marry me?"

She pulled away and to his question replied

"For all of these years, you know I've tried

To struggle through hell and to stay by your side

Through pain, death, and fights, all while you lied.

But now for three years you ask me to stay,

To wait all alone while you go away

And travel alone to the ends of the earth

On the dangerous path you've followed since birth.

That's just too much to ask and that I can't do,

Just to sit here and wait for no one but you.

Especially since you may not come back

So why start myself down that painful track?

So feel free to return at the given time

But the love you'll be given will no longer be mine

I'm going away, to a new school,

And I'll find a man who's not such a fool.

Darn it, I love you but change that I must

Lest your antics turn my heart to dust.

The last thing that into your head should be drilled

Please, for God's sake, don't go and get yourself killed."

He flopped on the grass as her back retreated

And trying to speak his voice was defeated.

But he left anyway, it had to be done.

There was his father to find, a war to be won.

But back at home, where his girlfriend had stayed,

No matter her actions her, her heart never strayed.

She wasn't waiting. She tried to move on.

But try as she might, her love was all gone.

It had fled cross the world, echoing his steps,

And the hope he'd return was all she had left

Of the man—or the boy—she'd loved all her life.

She'd been so sure that she'd be his wife.

For a year and a half she waited and prayed;

By her own heart she'd been betrayed.

But he returned much sooner than planned,

Then he was called back for one final stand.

His boss was stuck in a terrible fix

And from three horrible buttons he had to pick.

All were unlabeled, red, yellow, blue.

One self-destruct, killing him too.

Two would do nothing, three detonates.

And by picking a button he was tempting the Fates.

But he chose right and saved millions of lives

And one little button helped many survive.

So he finally returned and saw her again

And at her words he held back a grin,

"So how long did it take you to choose the red?"

And after her question, nothing was said.

He neither denied nor affirmed her claim

But of the truth he still felt ashamed.

For through his choice he had shown he was weak;

Thousands of lives, but at drama's peak,

In the end his choice was arbitrary, at best,

But, in truth, he thought of one above all the rest.

When he was threatened by the end of the world

Around one, single girl all his thoughts had whirled.

He walked away, back through the sand;

At the edge of the water he chose to stand.

Then one of his friends, with him through it all,

Looked up at them, and her name he called.

"Without a doubt, I thought he'd pick red;

But when I asked 'The blue one,' he said."

Then he looked in her eyes, a most careful glance,

Then looked at her love, his casual stance.

"Isn't your favorite of all colors blue?"

His meaning was obvious, his statement was true,

And that meant one thing, but how could it be

That he'd risk millions of lives on the chance that she

Liked the one color that would save them all

But could just as easily let him take the fall?

She felt a few tears fall away from her face,

Then let her eyes his profile trace.

Across the sand, through the waves on the beach,

She ran toward the boy, just out of arms reach.

There'd been a transition from boy to this man filled with pride,

And she loved him, tackled him, and they fell into the tide.


End file.
